she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
