You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
