Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
