What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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