what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Come see our sink grown plant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize