i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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