hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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