I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
wow bdsm is so cute
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
