No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
