i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize