Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
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You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
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i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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