Soap is not a condiment
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
