it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
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