just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
