im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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