All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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