Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
