Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
