Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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