The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I currently don't understand fingers.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize