I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
