i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
