This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
