Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
bring money and cleavage
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
