im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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