piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
