just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
