what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
