You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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