Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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