imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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