I wish I could teleport
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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