you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Floor bacon is actually really good
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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