Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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