Yo dont text me then not text me
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
