i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
