Apparently you make a good broom.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
