I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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