with your own penis?
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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