are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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