She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
