Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
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