what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
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Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
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I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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