you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
