I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
