On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
