i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
