I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize