I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
