I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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