there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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