so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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