Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
