$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
