well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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