and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
