Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
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He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
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I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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