I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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