so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
where does the pee come out of this thing
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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