That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
The uberlube is also flammable
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
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