Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
