i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Randomize
